Borrowed words.

I first met you many years ago,
Since I've met you many years have passed,
Most of which I've been trying to figure you out, of my life?
Where you go you leave a trail of chaos,
Your footsteps always lead to the same thing,
It may be hard for everyone to see what's going on.
But you can count on me.

Like a freight train without any freight...
I promise you, the end's gonna come, soon.
And like a hurricane, the end's gonna come.
As you know it should.

And right in the depths of despair,
Honestly I still truly care.
How I long to see you set free.
Now I know, the liberator can't be me.

Please

Talk to me. Give me some kind of peace. Say sorry. Or that you were lying. Or something. Because you don't know what's happening and the worst case scenario is you finding out too late.

The new plan.

Instead of worrying about winning them
I've just got to work hard at becoming who they need.
Then the right one will come along.
And if they're already along,
Then the right one will settle down.

One of them is good at this,
The other, the older, has never been so.
And that's why I'm still shackled.
So if I learn with one,
The right one will reveal themselves.

Just to be a hypocrite though,
I don't know how you just smile.
I just don't know.
And I read back some emails from long ago,
And I still laughed.
And I remembered that I'm not fundamentally unlovable,
I've just never been able to sustain,
To hold you. Any of you.
So maybe it's all my fault.

Either way, this is my new plan.
I am my new plan.
And you are my old plan.

Simile. Metaphor.

I do not yet love well,
But boy, do I love hard.
I'm the squishy, slimy snail
With the crunchy shell.
I cry with my eyes closed,
I dream with my heart open,
I don't know who I am,
But I know who I would like to be.
Ouch, suppression. It hurts.
It's like heart burn. It is heart burn.

Pause.

Do not let my fickle flesh go to waste
As it keeps my heart and soul in its place.
And I will love with urgency
But not with haste.

Return to sender.

Well it's one thing to fall in love
But another to make it last
I thought that we were just beginning
And now you say we're in the past
Look me in the eye
and tell me we are really through

You know it's one thing to say you love me
but another to mean it from the heart
And if you don't intend to see it through
why did we ever start?
I wanna hear you tell me
you don't want my love

Put your hand on your heart and tell me
it's all over
I won't believe it till you
put your hand on your heart and tell me
that we're through
Put your hand on your heart

They like to talk about for ever
Most people never get the chance
Do you wanna lose our love together
Do you find a new romance
I need to hear you tell me
you don't want my love

Put your hand on your heart and tell me
it's all over
I won't believe it till you
put your hand on your heart and tell me
that we're through
Put your hand on your heart
hand on your heart

Look me in the eye

To whom it may concern.

'No matter how crazy my life gets, I know you'll be there. And when it's your turn to lose it, you can count on me'

And now I see (no I always saw)

Now I accept where I must go,

What I must seek (other than He)

Because I've always known that 

I cannot be who [name] wants 

Until I am who I want (and He).

And you (you know exactly who you are)

If you are reading this (hypocrite)

Trying to work out what I'm thinking,

Then here it is,

I'll spell it out for you:

H.O.W. D.A.R.E. Y.O.U.

I could sabotage (I repeat) this if I so wanted to

(I don't want to. Hi, do you even remember me?)

With the secrets and the truth 

('the darkest things that we don't like to talk about')

Get off your high horse. It doesn't suit you, sir.

The late night drives,

the letters,

the emails, 

the confessions,

the 'chin up's...

But at least now I'm started to believe this.

Because you would never have done this.

Shown me this little respect...

Wait.

That's ridiculous. Where do I start?